Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Reflection

When I first found out about courses on game design, I thought 'brilliant, games and art, how good is that?' I was enthusiastic, thought I had finally found what I wanted to do in life.

Don't get me wrong I still do but I have to admit I was the kind of person who just liked the idea of working with games without truly knowing what it involved, forgetting that they have strict deadlines too. I had literally no idea about the 3d side and I should've done more research.

I'm not making excuses for myself, I just feel like I wasn't prepared for this, for the amount of work, for anything. University is anything but fun. I think these three years are going to test me mentally, emotionally and physically! My hands are falling apart from the cold :/

I really do want this though. I still primarily love character design so when I finally get the hang of anatomy, I want to create my own. I like painting in photoshop but I need the confidence to stop using my sketch in the background just to hold my pieces together. 3ds max, well, what a bloody learning curve, but I have just caught up. I must've put at least 15 hours into my medieval building so you can't blame me for lack of trying. Or is that not enough?

I don't think I can bare being told how crap we are again and how little jobs there are for us and how many other people are competing with us and so on. I know it's for our own good though and in some respect I appreciate that. I can't help feeling low. Being proud of work makes you feel good however so maybe I should keep that in mind.

I actually used to want to design clothes despite my lack of interest in fashion, what a joke. I then realised I was afraid of sewing machines... and that was the end of that. I've tried playing drums, guitar, keyboard but virtually given up on everything for lack of effort.
I'm too nonchalant about life and I'm going nowhere with that attitude. I need to relight my passion for being creative and successful and learn to take critisism in my stride.

Anyway, this has been a bit of self reflection and critique, I think it helps to write these things down sometimes.